Ask El Vez - The Mandate Edition

[Gillibeanz]

Miss BA if it wasnt for the tampon comment I would have sworn you were shacking up with my partner on the sly - you have described him perfectly!!

[miss buenos aires]

Well, at the time of the tampon incident, I was like, "um, you left a used tampon on the floor," and she was like, "oh my God, I was so drunk, I can't believe I did that, it'll never happen again," so I don't really know if I can bring it up again...

[El Vez]

Well, at the time of the tampon incident, I was like, "um, you left a used tampon on the floor," and she was like, "oh my God, I was so drunk, I can't believe I did that, it'll never happen again," so I don't really know if I can bring it up again...

Ok...um....throw codfish at her when her back is turned and run away before she sees you? I dunno....

I am the world's worst about dealing with roommate issues. It's my nature to bend over backwards for people and, unfortunately, I'm batting a thousand when it comes to finding people who are more than willing to exploit that. You're a much more direct person than I am, but you're not rude or abrasive so I think maybe you should just slip it into a conversation that is going in a friendly enough way and just try not to set her up on the defensive or anything.

[Copenhagen Fan]

Well, at the time of the tampon incident, I was like, "um, you left a used tampon on the floor," and she was like, "oh my God, I was so drunk, I can't believe I did that, it'll never happen again," so I don't really know if I can bring it up again...

jesus..she sounds cool............!

I'm a big time advocate of pulling the goalie in crunch time.

[bambooneedle]

If I may,

Miss BA - first of all, get rid of any cleaning schedule... anything less than a clean-as-you-go approach is a waste of time and likely to be abused. The problem is differing perceptions - what is acceptable for her, for you is not. Don't make it as if any improving cleaning willingness on her part should be as a favour to you, but make her realize that it's for her own good. Not being a slave to a cleaning schedule yourself, you would be free to show her a thing or two... Firstly, don't clean up after her. Let her do it herself. Secondly, when she's around, clean up after yourself -- and even do extra stuff, like cleaning the bathroom -- so that she notices. Don't let resentment boil over. Soon she'll realize just how much of a slob she appears to be, because she would have seen herself through your eyes. In other words, let it be known how it's good to have things clean, and model it in action.

And if she doesn't care, then it's time to say, "You're being a selfish slob and I'd like you to do something about it".

She can't get away with playing dumb. She can't just give you bullshit promises. Without a schedule, she can't start to make excuses to overlook it and do something later (when - and if - she feels like it). Things should be done on the go. If the slob issue comes up beforehand, tell her specific things you'd like done, like changing the liner bag immediately or washing the dishes right away or not having any smoking in the bathroom. Tell her that you hope her boyfriend will respect the place as well. Then you've set standards by which she will feel obliged at first to comply with, and later possibly relieved that she became used to them. She might even express gratitude that you've helped her improve her habits.

If she just can't improve, there's not a lot you can do. It's not your job to change her. Remember, you chose to live with her.

But always have an "and then what?" plan up your sleeve... if your attempts don't work, can you get rid of her as a flatmate or can she get rid of you? Could you continue to tolerate such filthy habits, and, if not, what could be an alternative?

You need never get nasty, but can be direct. You want what you want, and should have it. To let somebody make your living space uncomfortable is a lot to tolerate.

[bambooneedle]

I hope that helps.

[miss buenos aires]

It does, bambi, it does. I've tried some of those methods, will try others.

Thank you, everybody!

[wehitandrun]

They can't all be winners, Whar. Besides, the maestro is baffled by the extent of your adoration of the admittedly talented but not *that* talented Zach Braff.

Welll, he has written and directed what is widely considered the best film of the year, and stars in what could be considered one of the best television shows in America.

He's young, and has accomplished so much.

[El Vez]

Welll, he has written and directed what is widely considered the best film of the year, and stars in what could be considered one of the best television shows in America.

He's young, and has accomplished so much.

I'm certainly not trying to be argumentative about this because, well, there really is no reason to get worked up about it one way or the other and it's not like I don't think the guy has talent. However, as a film geek in decline, I will ask you to support your thesis statement that Garden State is widely considered the best film of the year. I always like to follow the year end critics awards and so far none of them have singled out Garden State for any special praise. The big difference between the critics awards and, say, the Golden Globes or even the Oscars is that they do tend to be a more accurate barometer of the really quality films (although Sideways appears to be such a unanimous juggernaught at this point which is proof that occassionally the good ones get what they deserve) so I'm really not sure where you are basing that assertion.

By the way, I thought Garden State was a perfectly fine movie so it's not like I'm trying to bash a film that clearly means a lot to you. This is just me trying to pre-empt any and all defensiveness over the fact that I don't know where you're getting that Garden State is being hailed as the year's best.

[selfmademug]

Dear The Vez:

I have this, er, friend. She keeps getting romantically/sexually rejected in the most reasonable, kind, and affectionate terms. Should she take the hint and get to a nunnery? Consider breast implants and a tummy tuck? Get some camo, sunglasses & an AK47 and join the Symbionese Liberation Army? What???

[wehitandrun]

Welll, he has written and directed what is widely considered the best film of the year, and stars in what could be considered one of the best television shows in America.

He's young, and has accomplished so much.

I'm certainly not trying to be argumentative about this because, well, there really is no reason to get worked up about it one way or the other and it's not like I don't think the guy has talent. However, as a film geek in decline, I will ask you to support your thesis statement that Garden State is widely considered the best film of the year. I always like to follow the year end critics awards and so far none of them have singled out Garden State for any special praise. The big difference between the critics awards and, say, the Golden Globes or even the Oscars is that they do tend to be a more accurate barometer of the really quality films (although Sideways appears to be such a unanimous juggernaught at this point which is proof that occassionally the good ones get what they deserve) so I'm really not sure where you are basing that assertion.

By the way, I thought Garden State was a perfectly fine movie so it's not like I'm trying to bash a film that clearly means a lot to you. This is just me trying to pre-empt any and all defensiveness over the fact that I don't know where you're getting that Garden State is being hailed as the year's best.

I've done no actual research to justify what I said.
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/garden_state/
Rotten Tomatoes is the only site I've gone to- but it does a great job with gathering all of the critics' reviews in one place.
I have been judging it by the overall hype I've been hearing from life. It is the "hip movie" this year, and as a lot of the critics call it- "The Lost In Translation of 2004".

[Mr. Average]

Ms. Mug:

I know that we don't agree on too many things, and that I am interrupting an important therapy session with the good Dr. El Vez. But I had to comment, because beside myself, you are the only person that I have seen use the SLA in ANY form of commentary in about two decades. When I weave the Symbionese Liberation Army into my discussions as a joke, it NEVER gets a reaction. I laughed out loud at your reference, for two reasons:
1. It evokes theose tough girl images of Patty Hearst with an assault rifle looking very fashionable as she robbed a bank, and;
2. I think that you could fill the roll well. Only because I have been at the receiving end of your vitriole, and I have taken from it a very important message...I never want to piss you off again, as it isn't a stretch to connect the Hearst image with the thought of a very angry SelfMadeMug.

Give peace a chance. Peace on earth. And for what it's worth, my retraction of a bitter message that I posted months ago in response to something that I read as a vieled attempt to justify murderous hate.

I was wrong. For what it is worth.

Have a Happy and Prosperous New Year.

[miss buenos aires]

Dear El Vez:

What do you think of the following albums?

****OUTSTANDING AMERICANA REISSUES***

ELIZABETH COTTON "Shake Sugaree" (Smithsonian Folkways)
CD $15.99
RealAudio:
http://64.27.65.90:8080/ramgen/othermusic/shakesug.rm
A new collection of (old) recordings by Elizabeth Cotten. She was a brilliant finger-pick guitarist with an unconventional playing and singing style. Cotten played her guitar left-handed and upside down
with incredible dexterity and sang with one of the most gently endearing warbles I've ever heard. Highest Recommendation! [MK]

JOHN FAHEY "The Great Santa Barbara Oil Slick" (Water)
$15.99
RealAudio:
http://64.27.65.90:8080/ramgen/othermusic/vieweast.rm
Recorded in the late-'60s at the legendary Matrix club in Berkley, CA, this recently unearthed performance capture John Fahey at what
many consider to be his peak. Up there with the finest of Fahey's work. [KH]

JIMMY MARTIN "Don't Cry to Me" (Thrill Jockey) CD $14.99
RealAudio:
http://64.27.65.90:8080/ramgen/othermusic/freeborn.rm
A career spanning retrospective of the legendary Jimmy Martin that features all of the virtuosity, grit, and grace that the best
bluegrass music never fails to exhibit. The songs here span nearly 50 years worth of recording with his solo act The Sunny Mountain Boys, and the cuts from 2000 are just as good as those from 1954. Brilliant. [MK]

SISTER GERTRUDE MORGAN "Let's Make a Record" (Preservation Hall)
CD $16.99
I first heard this album while visiting Sister Gertrude's exhibit at the incredible American Museum of Folk Art on 53rd St. (If you haven't been there yet I urge you to go at once). Sister Gertrude Morgan was a prolific artist for several years after having a number of religious
visions in which the Lord urged her to begin painting. But not only did she paint and draw, she composed reams of poetry (which Rod McKuen edited into a book called "God's Greatest Hits") and sang some pretty fervent gospel. Her art dealer financed the recording of this LP in which Sister Gertrude comes on like Blind Willie Johnson sans guitar. A banging tambourine provides the sole accompaniment to her divine and absolutely rocking exhortations. [MK]

ISAIAH OWENS "You Without Sin Cast the First Stone" (Case Quarter)
CD $13.99
RealAudio:
http://64.27.65.90:8080/ramgen/othermusic/youwitho.rm
Isaiah Owens' debut album at the age of 69 is idiosyncratic gospel at its finest. Owens has long been a gospel singer, but didn't pick up the guitar until he was in his 50s. Owens' loud angular strumming screams nothing but the utmost conviction unto the Lord. Many of these tracks
were culled from Alabama gospel radio programs. An amazing discovery
deserving to be heard well beyond whatever radius those radio signals are able to reach. [MK]

[V.A.] "Country Got Soul Volume 2" (Casual) CD $25.99
RealAudio:
http://64.27.65.90:8080/ramgen/othermusic/bigcount.rm
Follow up to last year's incredibly popular Country Got Soul compilation, Volume Two features tons more genre defying Muscle Shoals
country soul and swamp rock. [MK]

[selfmademug]

Mr. A.: appreciated, thanks.

Elv: Are you off at the library researching my answer? Or have you packed your bags to leave the country out of fear?

[Goody2Shoes]

Sorry to tread on your thread, El Vez, without a question to ask, but Mug, I love your tagline. Dylan Thomas, right? A Child's Christmas In Wales? Love it, haven't read it in years. Gotta go find it now....

[selfmademug]

Dylan Thomas, right? A Child's Christmas In Wales?

Yes indeedy... I love it, too. I read it to my 6-yr-old last night. He's very patient with poetic language, and we had fun stopping in places to discuss what DT was talking about. I wanted to quote the whole first magnificent sentence but it was too long to be acceptable as a quote....

[ice nine]

I was just talking to Jesus the other day and he liked Barry Lynden

[verbal gymnastics]

Elv: Are you off at the library researching my answer? Or have you packed your bags to leave the country out of fear?

Perhaps you should ask the same questions to Solacklustre - he could give you answers to each in one word!

[El Vez]

Sorry, gang....I haven't been able to keep up with this as well as I would like to but I will get back to your questions a little later in the day!

[El Vez]

Dear The Vez:

I have this, er, friend. She keeps getting romantically/sexually rejected in the most reasonable, kind, and affectionate terms. Should she take the hint and get to a nunnery? Consider breast implants and a tummy tuck? Get some camo, sunglasses & an AK47 and join the Symbionese Liberation Army? What???

In a turn of events that mystifies the McFuck out of me, a lot of really interesting, attractive and completely worthwhile women such as yourself are going through this. I'm a battle-scarred veteran of the rejection circuit and I tend to get a lot of the stuff where the subtext is obviously "I am somewhere between intensely uncomfortable and downright terrified of spending time with you" so I see being turned down as business as usual and not that big a deal.

Jeepers, I have such a poor track record with romance that these questions are always killer for me because I don't know much but failure myself. Keep plugging away out there, Mug. Be selective but persistent and always remember that if you get turned down then it's their loss and not yours. Maybe you're not socializing with the right crowd. How can someone who has as much to offer as you do keep getting passed on? I don't recommend bars but I'm sure that the Boston area has plenty of art galleries, wine tasting events and other social activities that are code for "Busy, upwardly mobile adults looking for smokin' hot monkey love." Try not to beat yourself up over it or think that it is a commentary on you however. I guess that is my main point. Guys in their forties who are single, this is a highly unscientific observation on my part, tend to gravitate more towards trying to land younger women. This is unfortunate because it leaves women *their* age feeling discarded and questioning their viability as sexual beings while brokeass 20-somethings such as myself can't compete with guys who own their own houses and have wine collections. I have a box of crackers and some MST3K dvds.....fuck chance do I have? But that's another story.

This too shall pass my friend and when it does you will meet someone who will rock your world every bit as much as you will rock theirs in turn.

[El Vez]

From the files of Miss Buenos Aires -

Dear El Vez:

What do you think of the following albums?

1. ELIZABETH COTTON "Shake Sugaree" (Smithsonian Folkways)
CD $15.99
RealAudio:
http://64.27.65.90:8080/ramgen/othermusic/shakesug.rm
A new collection of (old) recordings by Elizabeth Cotten. She was a brilliant finger-pick guitarist with an unconventional playing and singing style. Cotten played her guitar left-handed and upside down
with incredible dexterity and sang with one of the most gently endearing warbles I've ever heard. Highest Recommendation! [MK]"

My take:
Oh, Elizabeth Cotten is great. I discovered her through Dylan who has covered her work in his live performances. Jerry Garcia also sampled from her repertoire. I would actually recommend Cotten as a double bill with the last word in high lonesome sound, Roscoe Holcomb. Well, maybe Ralph Stanley is the all time king of sorrow when it comes to vocals but their is something harder in Holcomb that, for some reason, I think would compliment Cotten's sound nicely. Again, this is all hardcore folk music so you have to keep that in mind as you have an admitted lack of patience/interest in a lot of that stuff.


2. JOHN FAHEY "The Great Santa Barbara Oil Slick" (Water)
$15.99
RealAudio:
http://64.27.65.90:8080/ramgen/othermusic/vieweast.rm
Recorded in the late-'60s at the legendary Matrix club in Berkley, CA, this recently unearthed performance capture John Fahey at what
many consider to be his peak. Up there with the finest of Fahey's work. [KH]

My take:
Fahey was an astounding guitarist and a pretty solid fiction writer (Bluegrass Destroyed My Life is very much in the Vonnegut vein) but I'm probably not the ideal audience for stuff like this. I like lyrics too much. I have Death Chants & Plantation Waltzes but I only listen to it once every third blue moon because I can only take so much of that stuff before I go back to what I normally listen to. Great artist, just not my language.

3. JIMMY MARTIN "Don't Cry to Me" (Thrill Jockey) CD $14.99
RealAudio:
http://64.27.65.90:8080/ramgen/othermusic/freeborn.rm
A career spanning retrospective of the legendary Jimmy Martin that features all of the virtuosity, grit, and grace that the best
bluegrass music never fails to exhibit. The songs here span nearly 50 years worth of recording with his solo act The Sunny Mountain Boys, and the cuts from 2000 are just as good as those from 1954. Brilliant. [MK]

My take:
Jimmy Martin is a trip. A living, breathing human banty rooster who can play bluegrass like he's trying to hurt somebody. This is a top collection and it's nice to see the magnificent bastard get some semblance of due while he is still alive. Impossibly charismatic performer.

4. SISTER GERTRUDE MORGAN "Let's Make a Record" (Preservation Hall)
CD $16.99
I first heard this album while visiting Sister Gertrude's exhibit at the incredible American Museum of Folk Art on 53rd St. (If you haven't been there yet I urge you to go at once). Sister Gertrude Morgan was a prolific artist for several years after having a number of religious
visions in which the Lord urged her to begin painting. But not only did she paint and draw, she composed reams of poetry (which Rod McKuen edited into a book called "God's Greatest Hits") and sang some pretty fervent gospel. Her art dealer financed the recording of this LP in which Sister Gertrude comes on like Blind Willie Johnson sans guitar. A banging tambourine provides the sole accompaniment to her divine and absolutely rocking exhortations. [MK]

My take:
Never heard of this one.

5. ISAIAH OWENS "You Without Sin Cast the First Stone" (Case Quarter)
CD $13.99
RealAudio:
http://64.27.65.90:8080/ramgen/othermusic/youwitho.rm
Isaiah Owens' debut album at the age of 69 is idiosyncratic gospel at its finest. Owens has long been a gospel singer, but didn't pick up the guitar until he was in his 50s. Owens' loud angular strumming screams nothing but the utmost conviction unto the Lord. Many of these tracks
were culled from Alabama gospel radio programs. An amazing discovery
deserving to be heard well beyond whatever radius those radio signals are able to reach. [MK]

My take:
Nor this one....


7. [V.A.] "Country Got Soul Volume 2" (Casual) CD $25.99
RealAudio:
http://64.27.65.90:8080/ramgen/othermusic/bigcount.rm
Follow up to last year's incredibly popular Country Got Soul compilation, Volume Two features tons more genre defying Muscle Shoals
country soul and swamp rock. [MK]

This is a good selection of stuff and I like these various artists compilations because they are a one-stop budget shop where you can gain exposure to numerous worthy artists and these have a high success ratio as far as making someone go "Hmm, I like this Junior Brown song so much I think I'll buy Guit With It" or something like that.

[A rope leash]

El Vez,

I'm not very happy with the advice you gave me. Should I go fuck myself?

[El Vez]

El Vez,

I'm not very happy with the advice you gave me. Should I go fuck myself?

I worry about you sometimes, Rope. You're a good guy and a lot of this is just you fucking around and keeping yourself amused but occassionally I feel like you need a hug from a good woman or a dude to hang out in the kitchen with who will just listen to what's going on in that head of yours. At any rate, sorry my 2 cents weren't worth a dime to you but I don't think I'll ever come up with much of anything that will do it for you.

[A rope leash]

Hey don't take it so seriously. I'm just looking for an excuse!

[selfmademug]

I'm sure that the Boston area has plenty of art galleries, wine tasting events and other social activities that are code for "Busy, upwardly mobile adults looking for smokin' hot monkey love."

Dear The Vez:

You made me laugh and for that I am eternally grateful. Thank you!