My dirty little secret

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Sat Oct 11, 2003 9:54 pm

Up until this past week while on vacation with my girlfriend and her family, I have spent most of my life harboring a secret that I've taken great pains to keep from those near me. I could not ride a bicycle.

Thanks to the fact that I trust my girlfriend more than anyone on this earth, I was able to confess this to her while explaining why I was reluctant to ride bikes with her on the beach. She then spent the next hour working with me to get me to learn some fundamentals concerning balance. I sucked pretty hard. The next day I could ride fine but sucked at turns. The day after that I could make the turns and was astoundingly confident in my riding. It's a truly great thing to have something so exciting waiting for you to discover when you're 24 and starting to wonder "What's next?" Before any of the older members on the board roll their eyes too vigorously at that last sentence, remember when you were 24 and had the false assumption that you had seen it all?

In short, I love my girlfriend very much and can chalk this up to another great gift from her.

Jackson Doofster · Post by **Jackson Doofster** » Sun Oct 12, 2003 2:49 am

El Vez

I you haven't seen the hilarious episode of Frasier - see it! Sounds like it was based on you.

selfmademug · Post by **selfmademug** » Sun Oct 12, 2003 12:38 pm

Elv, that's great. Very courageous and smart, and if you can fill your adult years with more of the same, you will have a very happy and fulfilling life. Thanks for the lesson this teaches all of us!

A rope leash · Post by **A rope leash** » Sun Oct 12, 2003 12:55 pm

Just out of curiosity, I must ask you, El Vez, about the circumstances that allowed a child to grow up without ever learning to ride a bicycle. You must have had a fairly unusual upbringing...

LessThanZero · Post by **LessThanZero** » Sun Oct 12, 2003 2:43 pm

Was anyone else just sat on a bike and pushed down a trailer-park hill??

laughingcrow · Post by **laughingcrow** » Sun Oct 12, 2003 4:22 pm

I can't ride a bike either. Never owned one, so never learned. Why is it that it feels embarassing to say it though? I can't rollerskate or use a skateboard either....and I can't Ice skate or ski or snowboard or any of these fashionable ways of geting from one place to the other.

What's wrong with walking to school?

A rope leash · Post by **A rope leash** » Sun Oct 12, 2003 4:59 pm

I don't see any shame in not knowing how to ride a bike. I just don't see how any kid could grow up without encountering a bicycle. My own childhood was littered with bikes old and new, and having a bike was absolutely required for getting around.

Were you poor? Did you live in a large metro area? Were your parents over-protective? It just seems impossible!

..and yes, <0, I learned by being pushed down the street by my father, who insisted that I continue trying right through the blood and tears.

so lacklustre · Post by **so lacklustre** » Sun Oct 12, 2003 5:03 pm

I can ride a bicycle but...........................................

I can't drive!

There, I've said it.

Feels like being a leper sometimes.

laughingcrow · Post by **laughingcrow** » Sun Oct 12, 2003 5:06 pm

Hey SL...I can't either, but am planning to learn soon. I always comfort myself by thinking how many accidents Im not causing, and how green Im being by using public transport...

A rope leash · Post by **A rope leash** » Sun Oct 12, 2003 6:53 pm

You shouldn't say you can't, because you can, you just haven't learned yet.

Elvis didn't drive for years, and I suspect he doesn't drive much now. Einstein did not drive. It's okay not to drive...as long as you're not bumming rides!

I'm lousy on a motorcycle. Very embarrassing.

Tim(e) · Post by **Tim(e)** » Sun Oct 12, 2003 8:35 pm

All I can think is that there must have been a few awkward moments whenever anyone used the old "it's like riding a bike... you never forget" analogy.

cbartal · Post by **cbartal** » Sun Oct 12, 2003 9:30 pm

El Vez,

Now that you've conquered the two wheeled monster, you might consider giving the King a few lessons, cause if I recall a comment he made recently, he can't ride one either.

And speaking of that, I now feel slightly superior to Elvis because I CAN ride a bike, and, like him, I also wrote Beyond Belief! Oh look, I just wrote it again!!

laughingcrow · Post by **laughingcrow** » Mon Oct 13, 2003 4:21 am

Cbart..you crazy!

I can grow a better beard than him, and I don't need glasses (yet)...

so does that make me superior in a bodily sense?

Goody2Shoes · Post by **Goody2Shoes** » Mon Oct 13, 2003 9:47 am

Congratulations, El Vez! Your story reminds me of the Frasier episode that Mr. Doofster mentions, and also of Bill Murray in 'What About Bob". "I'm sailing!!"

I was practically sprung from the womb on a bike, and grew up in an era where families had one car, dad took it to work, and if the kids wanted to go anywhere, ever, a bike was a necessity.

You have also reminded me of the 2 things I want to learn to do before I go tits-up:
1. Play the guitar.
2. Surf

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Mon Oct 13, 2003 5:37 pm

The reason behind not learning till 24 is fairly simple. When I was 7, my dad had just begun the process of teaching me to ride a bike. Unfortunately, one of our very first lessons ended in absolute disaster when I lost control while sailing down a hill and crashed into a tree. I narrowly avoided becoming a red stain on the tree and instead flew a few feet and hit the ground. Hard. It scared the beejaysus out of my father and I think it gave him a complex. He really, really wanted to teach me how to ride a bicycle but was afraid I'd end up getting killed in the process. Combined with the fact that I was more interested in Nintendo and comic books....well, it took almost twenty years and the woman of my life to get me in gear.

When I told my dad about finally conquering the two-wheeled beast, his half joking/half serious response was; "Why'd you bring that up, you asshole?"

bobster · Post by **bobster** » Mon Oct 13, 2003 6:39 pm

Here's to understanding girlfriends...A touching story El Vez, and close to my own heart....

I very nearly was in the same boat as EV, bike-wise. I was an extremely unathletic child and fairly fat, and was deathly afraid of learning to ride a bike, but my mother wanted me to be semi-normal and to get away from the old movies on TV on occasion, so she really pushed hard for me to learn. In a couple of lessons with my Dad, I actually managed and became a relatively avid bicyclist (it was probably the only exercise I got as a kid).

The kicker was that, before I was born, my mother was involved in a serious bicycle accident (by all account definitely not her fault) that resulted in the death of a little boy. She was absolutely and completely terrified every time I took the bike out, but felt it was neccessary. And this was before bike helmets became widely available, so -- even ignoring her own horrific experience -- her worry wasn't irrational.

I actually stopped bicycling after I was 25 or so and my old bike rusted out, but a year or two back I went on a "bike and brew" mountain bike tour as part of an Alaska cruise I was on with my family. I actually got scared for a minute as I got on my first bike in years. Fortunately, it's like riding a bike.!

On the other hand, I've tried and failed pretty miserably at skating (ice and roller!) and skiing and would be terrified to try motorcyling. Balance is a funny thing....

perfectblue · Post by **perfectblue** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:52 am

so lacklustre wrote:I can ride a bicycle but...........................................

I can't drive!

There, I've said it.
Feels like being a leper sometimes.

you whaaat??? hahaha, you lep....

you and me both. i don't drive either, bro.

miss buenos aires · Post by **miss buenos aires** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 9:16 am

I don't drive either. On the one hand, I have to carry my passport (with a picture of a very serious seventeen-year-old me) to get into bars. On the other hand, I can always get as drunk as I please, never being the designated driver.

taz · Post by **taz** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 10:42 am

All these heartfelt confessions has finally gotten to me...and...thanks to the wonderful internet and the anonymity it allows I feel ready to admit....

I CAN'T READ....there, I've said it...I have find more and more imaginitive ways to have friends and co-workers read and write on message boards for me...it's a terrible existence...hooked on phonics didn't work for me...

Post by **BlueChair** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 11:11 am

I can drive, I can swim (sort of), I can ride a bike (sort of), but I can't put on a necktie without my dad's help

There, I said it.

I also can't ice skate, which is quite a big deal in Canada.

Post by **spooky girlfriend** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 11:12 am

Taz, we love you anyway!

bobster · Post by **bobster** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 1:30 pm

One word to you non-drivers (whom I actually sort of envy, in a way) -- don't move to L.A.! In fact, don't even visit without a driving companion.

San Francisco, however, is a great town for the differently wheeled.

Bluechair -- I've been to do the tie thing unassisted since my first real job at a grocery store when I had to wear ties (that's how long ago it was!). Still, my dad, who taught me, only wears clip-ons!

Who is the lesser, I say: the man who knows not how to tie his tie, or the man who knows, but refuses?

For the record. Bicycling aside, I can swim (not particularly well, but no fear of drowning!), I can drive like a typical L.A. maniac and I'm pretty excellent parrelel parker, yet I am currently cowering in fear at the thought of having to eventually see "Kill Bill" -- I'm an arterial-spray a-phobic. Really. There I've said it, and I'm glad.

bobster · Post by **bobster** » Tue Oct 14, 2003 2:31 pm

I remembered the following, most apposite, quote, but couldn't remember where. It turns out Poppet uses it for her signature and I'm surprised no one else brought this up. So, with thanks to her....

"I can't juggle. I can't ride a bicycle. I can't touch-type. But I can write songs." - EC

Poppet · Post by **Poppet** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 9:00 am

you're welcome.

ragazza · Post by **ragazza** » Wed Oct 15, 2003 11:42 am

"To go boldly where no man has gone before..." or at least where you haven't gone before.

Isn't that what being alive is for?

I hope I'm 93 and still saying to life: More!!!

Elvis Costello Fan Forum

My dirty little secret

My dirty little secret

Incredible...

That's incredible

Never can't

Courage